Amir Meister's blog

If i were a GIRL!!! by Beyond Say!!

3:34 AM by amir meister

Hey,im feeling kinda bored and my Windows media player is currently playing the song 'If I were a boy' by Beyoncé. And so this is my version,more of a parody of the song by her.

I love Beyoncé though!!! She rocks...!

If i were a girl,

Im sure to have t*ts,

Im forced to shave of my armpits,

I wouldn't bother ever to get fit,

I'll always cry like a little kid,

If i were a girl,

I'd want blonde hair just to look cool,

I'd show off everyday in school,

I wont study,i'd rather jump into a pool,

I'd wear skimpy clothes and make my friends drool,

I'd have to wear make ups and look like a fool,

I'd have to follow rules,

I'll always have PMS and charge like a bull,

I'll have to carry lipsticks, eyeliners,and other crappy tools,

And all these stuff will make my handbag full....

If i were a girl,

I'd try to look cute,

Attract every dude,

And try not to be rude,

I'd have problems with my mood,

and i'd stay slim and wont eat food,

I'd wear a pantyhose to look good,

And i'd want my ass as firm as any wood,

I'd also wear a long and sexy boot,

Omg,and i cant take off my shirt cuz then i'll be nude,

If i were a girl,

I'd set my handphone to vibrate,

So that i'll be late,

On the so called important date,

I'll change my name to Kate,

I'd want my boyfriend to pick me from my house gate,

I'd give his Mercedes a 10/10 rate,

To make him jealous,i'll create an imaginary mate,

And make him cry till his face turns red,

I'll grasp all his bread,

to show that im great,

Oh my gosh,look at my fate,

I would never want to be in a girly state.

I tried singing this version in the real 'If I wear a boy' tune and it sounded oddly cool!!

haha...so...

Till we meet again in the next post...

-Amir-

Posted in 3:34 AM | 0 comments

Cross country 2009...Pfs stupid tradition!!

7:46 AM by amir meister

The Start

We gathered at youth park. Some teachers were dancing on the stage claiming they were doing the aerobic dance.To me it was just like any other lame dance you see people doing on stage intending to crave for ultimate attention from students. The distance of the whole course was generally standardized to be approximately 8KM...i think! However there will be little in common between the two courses other than their length. As such, accurate comparisons cannot be made between the performances of the entire school community.A form 5 experienced runner would definitely be able to complete an eight km race track faster than a form 1 asshole who is probably just starting to learn how to walk.So their track was significantly shorter and they had a lead start way beyond us.So,returning to the subject of myself...I woke up at 6am!

Drove to youth park.Met some of my friends.Then after the stupid dance and a lecture from the school teachers on the precautions that must be taken before the race and during the race!(like anyone will die in a cross country race!)

Then the whistle was blowed.All the slowpokes leaded the race...Only for 3 minutes though.By then,most of them punctured and died on the track.Im gonna be a little too dramatic in this post so please ignore the slightly exaggerative expressions!So i gleefully ran passed the dead idiots when i realized something.I was carrying a huge bag on my shoulder and i had to carry 7.5KM more.....Oh GOD!!

Then i ran for 5 minutes.Then i passed moongate and i stopped.I wanted to CHEAT!So i walked into moongate.Waited there for 5 minutes,and then a senior ran passed me in the opposite direction and he told me there was i check point ahead of me where they'll stick stickers on the runners to identify the non-cheaters.So,i had to continue and discard the idea of cheating.

And there i was running like a mad buffoon carrying the 3 kg Nike bag on my shoulders hoping for a dumb,sorry....kind guy to help me.And to my surprise,this dude that was running beside me was telling me that he had the stamina of a stallion and could run a million Km more without feeling tired.So,i asked him to hold my bag and run.And god knows my he accepted the challenge,and i sprinted all the way to the finishing line.

Then i drove to gurney drive.Ate in Khaleel.Then played pool in gurney.Then went to Strike.Played CS.

So i guess i had fun today.Actually i did many other things today.made fun of lots of assholes also...

i lazy type sumore ler.....so i guess my post ends here...n i got 30 sumthing in the cross country race...WEEEEEEEE!!....; )

Posted in 7:46 AM | 0 comments

Stop Wars episode 6 1/2..(may the fart be with you)

4:28 AM by amir meister

Stop Wars episode 6 1/2

Long long time ago,in a galaxy....in our very own galaxy to be truthful,

there lived a young and handsome Jedi named Amirkin Flyslayer.

Amirkin Flyslayer or more commonly known as the 'chosen one' was rescued by a very powerful and strong Jedi knight named Qui-Gon-Jinx.

He is believed to be the chosen one and foretold by the Jedi prophecy to bring a balance in the impulsive force of physics.(F=ma,F=mv-mu/t).

After 3 long gruesome years,Amirkin visited Jabba The Hutt.It took three years because Amir flew to Tattoo-ink(Tatooine) using The millennium Falcon(It takes a millennium to get anywhere,lol).

Amirkin:whats your middle name Jabba?

Jabba:'The'

Amirkin:what a weird name dude!

Jabba:shut up mate! im gonna kill you

Amirkin:chill,lets go have dinner in Pizza 'Hutt'(Jabba the hutt's home,lol)..

Jabba:yeah,now ur talking!

However,The Jedi Council, led by Yo-da, sense that Amirkin's future is clouded with fear and refuse to let Obi-One-Canopy to train Amirkin.

Yo-da: i sense a dark force in you,you cant become a JEDI!!!

Amirkin: (inserts his hand in his pocket and gave Yoda something)

Yo-da: You bought me a YO YO..yay!! You can train with us then!

Meanwhile, Amirkin realizes there was someone sitting by the side of the room.And it was Hans solo.

Amirkin:why are you lonely?

Hans Solo:cause im solo! (hahahhaha)

Amirkin then turned his head the other side and he was flattered by the presence of a hot and sexy girl named Princess Pad-me (Padmé).

Amirkin:hey hottie!!

Pad-me:Hey handsome,lets go shopping!

Amirkin:yeah,i know this good place to shop,Its called the Darth Mall(darth Maul).

then,Amirkin and Pad-me got married 3 years later(when Pad-me was 15)....after 2 days,Pad-me died....(high 5..!! she was boring!!)

Amirkin then hired the Correlian space pilot and smuggler Hans solo and his Wookie co-pilot Chewbacca to take on Darth Va'dork'.

Then Amirkin took a lightsaber and poke Darth Va'dork's nose.And finally Amirkin restored peace.The creatures and assholes living in the planet of Nabooo were all very happy.

haha.....

The end!

-Amir Meister-

Posted in 4:28 AM | 0 comments

randomness!!!!!!!!!

9:42 AM by amir meister

random!!My mission is to blog something random...hopefully i succeed...

im not gonna 'try' to blog anything in this post because this is a post about randomness.And if i make any effort to think and write a stupid post about something,then it wouldn't be called random anymore...would it??

Oh shit by even asking the question above i have lost the opportunity to be random.Let me give it another try.Today i played pool and i won.Now thats what i call random.I had no intention to actually win but i won. But then again,im a born winner.So does that make me random??i don't think im random.I can't be random.Random is random. What am i blabbering??Oh i forgot.Im blogging about randomness.No wait by asking whether im random or not. Isn't that not being random?and i just asked another question. You see by having an intention to voice out my opinion or even asking the questions above..shows that im not being random at all. Help!how to be random? I don't think i can think of anything random that truly is random or that hasn't been done. Its impossible to not think before i do something so i guess it ceases to be random because it's a conceived idea.

Right there there is this little thing called universe providing us with a moment of randomness. for example, while we are waiting for the bus,instead of looking at your watch,you look around,dig your nose,LIVE IN THE MOMENT! I think that even if we commit ourselves, it is possible to incorporate randomness by living in the moment and accepting inconvienences as blessings.

Now how random can i be?to a certain extend of myself being as random as possible, i cannot be any random anymore.This is because...oh my gosh, im starting to think.....To be on the right track of not being any random im not even going to complete the sentence.

I have heard people proclaiming that random is when someone cannot make up a decision and he chooses something over the other without any motive.

This is a random post about randomness and i apologize for any lame remarks of being random.After all,this is a post about being random! ;)

thats all,im tired and i wanna go sleep....by random viewers of my blog!!! lol... ;)

-Amir Meister-

Posted in 9:42 AM | 0 comments

Stop watching porn!!

1:45 AM by amir meister

Go watch porn!

I know you pervert readers are gleefully trying to move your mouse pointer to type a porn website now.

Hold that move!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't!Think again before you do so!

Im not gonna be your dad and say porn is wrong,and neither am i going to play the role of your sex buddy and say porn is right.Its based on your own self definition and perception on this controversial matter.

It really depends on the effects of porn.

First, let's take for granted that by watching porn you are increasing the demand for porn and therefore encouraging its production. This is true no matter whether porn is wrong or not.

If porn does increase sexual aggression and the likelihood of rape, sexual harassment and other undesirable behaviors, then watching it will allow more people to view it over a longer period of time. This will increase the number of people inclined towards sexual aggression.This is bad.

It also depends on who is being exploited, manipulated or dehumanised.
If porn dehumanises the women performing in it, or even women who have nothing to do with it porn would be wrong. So,i guess if it is a form of entertainment or probably the only way to relieve your stressed out life,then go ahead.However,if you think that you will be addicted to it.Then i suggest you dont watch porn.Addiction to porn is a real trauma,imagine being in a house without any information superhighway to satisfy your lust,i bet you the next thing you do is finding a whore.This is bad and it'll cause a chain reaction and you will be fantasizing about sex 24/7 and it will cause an alternative route towards your ambition and goals in the future.

You will soon realise that you will

-be a school drop out,

-fail SPM,

-no job,

-become a pimp,

-get caught by a policeman,

-go jail,and rot...

or maybe you fail SPM,

-no job,no money,

-no hot wife,

-bored of the not so sexy wife,

-rape a girl,

-get into jail.

-and rot there..

For me,porn is bad!!If you really cant stop,go dig out your eyeballs or something!

Posted in 1:45 AM | 0 comments

Blogging is stupid and lame!Quit blogging people!

1:07 AM by amir meister

I feel that blogging is damn stupid. People who have nothing to do with their life blog.I am an exception!

Most bloggers, except myself, are not professionals in writing journals, are prone to errors, tempted to propagate lame rumours which only they think it is funny.Bloggers paint targets on themselves and encourage friends, family, acquaintances, and strangers to make comments which, depending on their mood, may hurt their feelings or cause them to make a flippant remark in jest or anger that changes the relationship with those commenters.They are also prone to make post which may be offensive to a particular reader and create a whole pot of enemies within the blogging world.Bloggers seem to post reading materials about their daily life and their perception on a certain topic.I feel that this is such a waste of electricity and calories.What is the point of regularly updating the blog with random lame topics which they are not even sure whether any idiots would wanna read it. I do admit that i do blog often but i know the purpose of bloggerism(new word) and not just blog about any stupid topics and create a lame remark about someone or something.

A blog is a chance for people to get to know you better . While this sounds like truth, you may not want certain people in your life such as your parents, employers,friends, or those social climbers for whom you put on a facade, to know the whole truth.So,if one were to have a blog. The people he despise would be able to get full access on his daily life and can learn to manipulate the blogger.Take for example,I am working in a company and i am planning to climb the corporate ladder and if i were to be a constant blogger,i would certainly write about my tactics and opinion about this matter.I assume that all bloggers are not aware that people do read their blogs and find out many personal information about themselves and this will be dangerous as even your colleague rivals will be able to see your planning and sabotage your dreams and ambitions.

I know what are you thinking.Make the blog private! A blog is simply a regularly updated website with dated content that enables one to express his inexpressible feelings about a matter.So if i were to make my blog private,then what is the whole purpose or creating a blog.For me our mind is itself like a blog.We can store information and let our opinions run wild whenever we want to and to whoever we want to.The only difference is that the blog in our mind has no limits in whatsoever topics we can think about.And no one is able to object your opinion because they will never get the pass to access our mind.So fellow bloggers,if you were to have any random opinion about something,just store it in your mind and stop writing post about it.

Community develops around a blog. Blogs are often interactive soliciting commentary from readers. As strangers peer into the lives of a blogger, a connection develops. The reader gets to know the presenter perhaps even better than persons known in real life. As readers comment on posts, dialog forms creating a tighter bond between reader and publisher. Friendships develop between people that may never see each other. Business relationships can form. Support networks can form. Blogging can even be therapeutic! Eventually,the bonds created and the relationships formed will not remain to be beneficial as there will always be backstabbers and wrong interpretation of our opinion.

I caution people never to believe anything they read on the Internet.At least until they check several resources. Blogs can be totally fictitious. For me, blogging is truth. To a degree, blogging is exhibitionism with a sprinkle of ego boosting. I love to talk and love to share stories but as time goes on, I find myself exposed to more people and some even envy my lifestyle and perceptions on life. Blogging is dumb and people should stop blogging at once for the greater good!

Till then my fellow blog readers.

-Amir Meister-

Posted in 1:07 AM | 2 comments

National Service (torture camp)

5:10 AM by amir meister

National Service

Its 2009 and no more honeymoon year for those who were born in the year 1992.

Oh wait! I'm not saying that because of the SPM examination!!!

I'm referring to the fact that more than 70% of us will be chosen for NS!

YES,National Service or more commonly known as Torture Camp

Imagine after struggling for 11 months in form 5,Oh sorry,11 YEARS OF STUDYING,and you are suppose to attend a torture camp that will magically change your perception on your life. Balderdash i would say!

Some baloney facts about NS:

-if you were to be chosen for NS,you will receive a message saying congratulations ,you are selected for the national service camp!

-the advertisement on TV shows them having fun and smiling throughout the camp!!'Talking about media superhighway gimmick'.

What's wrong with they who must not be named!!!!Don't they get the point that we do not want to attend this stupid pointless camp!

Pros and cons of National Service!Sorry,I cant find any pros!

From the start, the National Service program has been fraught with irregularities and indiscretion from

the objective(integration purpose or to train the youths for future military action??whats the point??)

to the selection process(even school dropouts and married ones will still be chosen)

to the readiness and facilities(lack of clean drinkable water and properly cooked food)

to the safety of the trainees(lack of medical facilities and emergency response unit)

There is no point of attending this stupid program as it only provoke the youths to attempt criminal activities in order to escape from this stupid pointless 3 months program.At least that is what i'm planning to do.

Ways to escape from this tragedy and pursue your studies instead of attending National Service!

-cut of your limbs

-commit suicide

-attempt a murder and go jail

-fail SPM and apply for matriculation(not a bad choice)

By making this program compulsory,they are somehow unintentionally provoking the younger imprudent youth generation to commit crime in order to escape from this program. Besides, a perfectly normal student would rather not get straight A's and enter matriculation just to escape National Service.I know i'm being a bit irrational but as bad as it sounds,it really is that bad and we cant help it'.

Our young kids should not be made into sacrificial poultry(chopped chicken) to a policy that seems to have been plucked out from thin air and hastily put together and run without adequate planning and preparation in the name of national unity and security. Parents should have a say whether or not they want to submit their children for such camps where there is no telling whether their precious ones would come home dead or alive. I seem to recall somewhere in the star newspaper reporting a 18 year old girl who actually died in National Service camp due to food poisoning. We are talking about our promising youths so full of optimism and hope for the future. Planning, Professionalism and Proper Implementation need to be in place for something of such scale and importance. Precious lives are needlessly lost due to the negligence of those in charge. Who is to be made accountable? the government?national service trainers??the youths themselves??which bloody individual or organization is to be blamed?The authorities will definitely be in denial and refuse to take the necessary responsibilities on the consequences if any misfortune were to happen. Brainless buffoons i should say.

The program should be put to an immediate halt before more lives are lost! There must be transparency and accountability in the way we do things in this country. People are getting very weary of the careless and care-less attitude of those put in charge of important projects of national interest. If parents are not confident with the way the camps are run and not given the trust that their children will be save, they have every right not to send their kids there. The authorities or even the government have no right to make it mandatory or scare people with fines or jail terms . Unfortunately, our sloppy government administration will never give in as they are locked in an uncivilized cage and will never look forward towards a better future of our nation. And what rights do we have to put a eternal halt or even suspend this ineffectual program?by writing post using blogs??I certainly don't think so!How much tolerant can we be to withstand this pressure any longer.I know i cannot stand this anymore.

So,parents,students,gays and lesbians!!! Let us all place one foot forward and take all the necessary actions to stop this problem.I haven't really figure out the solutions yet but who cares. The problem is bad enough and any other alternative will be an improvement.

Quote- malaysians and Burmese,we beg please,not to go for national service!

-amir asyraf-

Posted in 5:10 AM | 0 comments